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Getting comfortable with not fitting in

Writer's picture: Crystal LuttonCrystal Lutton

The first sticker I made when I started designing them says “Be your own best friend.”  One young person thought it was so rude! I asked her to say more and learned she was reading it as telling someone to go be their own best friend because no one else liked them.  I shared that I was encouraging people to teach others how to treat them by being their own best friend.  She agreed that was better.


It’s taken my entire life to get to a place where I’m very comfortable standing out in a crowd.  That doesn’t mean there aren’t times where that reality feels inconvenient, or that I wish I didn’t have to stand out quite so much.  For every voice out there saying, “Just be your authentic self!” There is more than one voice asking, “Why are you so _____?” Fill in that blank with whatever - I’m sure we all have a long list for that Mad Lib.


I’m not going to tell you to embrace some unrealistic fantasy of suddenly being your entire authentic you and trusting that everyone will be ready to accept you.  That’s because I don’t have to be the one to live your life and deal with any fallout.  I do hope you get there, and I’m here cheering you on!  What I want to talk about is something I hope will help you get there — it’s a step that I think is much easier, and safer, to take.


It starts with being honest with yourself — where do you not conform?  You know where it is. You might not be ready to just stop trying to conform, but you can be honest with yourself.  And you can find ways to live your truth with yourself.  Start to accept the things about you that don’t conform - that’s going to be a lot easier than trying to make yourself conform and not be who you really are.  That’s a recipe for misery.


Then, when you’re ready, find a small way to be the real you in front of safe people.  No one is entitled to know anything about you that you don’t want to share with them.  It’s your life, your story, your truth — you get all the say.   When you’re ready, though, figure out how brave you are and do that thing that is important to you. Even if it’s just one little thing.


I’d like to something from my life that I hope will encourage you.


It was maybe 10-12 or so years ago that I started wanting to get my nose pierced.  I asked in an online community I’d been a part of what people would think if I did.  The most surprising response was how many people said they thought it already was!


A similar thing happened when I had my hair dyed purple.  I went back to work and so many people didn’t say anything.  When I would ask what they thought they were surprised that it hadn’t been that color all along - they said it just seemed right.


This is why I only make one of a kind pieces.  Just like every person is unique, I believe everyone deserves something made just for them.  When I am making one of a kind pieces, I am affirming that we are all one of a kind.  I know not everyone is going to love everything I make — and some people will find that my art, like me, are just not their cup of tea.  That’s okay!  Every time my art gives me the privilege of being out there meeting those of you who do get me, I am so freaking grateful!  You are amazing, and I see you.


I don’t know how it will work out for you or what your story will be.  I don’t know when you will do it or how boldly.  I do know that living your life out loud is so much better than trying to stuff your soul into a form it doesn’t fit in.  It will be better to love and accept yourself. It will be by living as your authentic self that you find your people - the others who are like you and get you and appreciate you.  I hope you get there soon — and until you do, I’m not the only one out here cheering you on.  There are so many of us who get it and are doing what we can to make the world safer for you and all of us.


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